Youth Director's Notes
March 2012
|  |
Recently I was talking with a parent at a basketball game. We were joking about how difficult it can often be to get our children to actually COMMUNICATE! We’ve all been on either end of the parent-child conversation that follows this script:
Parent: How was your day at school?
Child: Fine.
Parent: What did you do?
Child: Nothing.
Recently a leading youth worker, Jonathan McKee posted five tips to get teenagers talking. I’m passing along his five tips with my own commentary on each one.
1. Don’t ask yes or no questions.
Asking one word questions leads to one word answers. It’s harder to think of deeper questions which is often why we resort to asking yes or no questions. If you want to get more out of your teen, don’t ask “Are you going to the game tonight?” Chances are you’re going to get something as simple as “No.”
2. Don’t ask dull questions.
This seems like a no-brainer, but asking questions that aren’t dull takes extra thought and effort. Asking “How was school?” is a surface question that’s far too broad for a child to answer in the way you’d like. “How was school?” sets students’ minds on the doldrums of daily life rather than the exciting details of the day. Rather, a question like “Where does your group hang out after you’ve eaten lunch?” targets specific details in your child’s mind.
3. Plan ahead.
As we’ve said in the last two tips, thinking of deeper questions takes extra effort and most of us don’t naturally ask deep questions. Don’t feel guilty about planning ahead. Before your kids get home from school, take some time to think of the questions you will ask them when they get home. I often plan ahead before I visit school during lunchtime. Like everyone else, I don’t naturally ask deep questions. Therefore, I need to think of the questions I will ask students ahead of time.
4. Don’t be afraid to use tools.
What do we mean by tools? We’re talking about “canned” questions that you can use on each one of your kids to get them talking. For instance, at the dinner table, you could throw out a question like “If you could go anywhere with our family for a week, where would you go?” Then listen as each of your children respond. Another “canned” question might be “If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?” These questions get your children talking and go beyond the daily routine.
5. Use your eyes and ears before your mouth.
Use your eyes to see what your kids do. After supper, do they like to shoot hoops, or do they play video games? Do they like to read, or do they listen to music? If they read, what books do they read? If they listen to music what are they listening to? Use your ears to actually listen when they do talk. A teenager actually communicating about their life to their parents is a momentous occasion. Relish what your children are giving you and hang on their every word. If your children know you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying, you’re giving more reason to communicate!
Parent: How was your day at school?
Child: Fine.
Parent: What did you do?
Child: Nothing.
Recently a leading youth worker, Jonathan McKee posted five tips to get teenagers talking. I’m passing along his five tips with my own commentary on each one.
1. Don’t ask yes or no questions.
Asking one word questions leads to one word answers. It’s harder to think of deeper questions which is often why we resort to asking yes or no questions. If you want to get more out of your teen, don’t ask “Are you going to the game tonight?” Chances are you’re going to get something as simple as “No.”
2. Don’t ask dull questions.
This seems like a no-brainer, but asking questions that aren’t dull takes extra thought and effort. Asking “How was school?” is a surface question that’s far too broad for a child to answer in the way you’d like. “How was school?” sets students’ minds on the doldrums of daily life rather than the exciting details of the day. Rather, a question like “Where does your group hang out after you’ve eaten lunch?” targets specific details in your child’s mind.
3. Plan ahead.
As we’ve said in the last two tips, thinking of deeper questions takes extra effort and most of us don’t naturally ask deep questions. Don’t feel guilty about planning ahead. Before your kids get home from school, take some time to think of the questions you will ask them when they get home. I often plan ahead before I visit school during lunchtime. Like everyone else, I don’t naturally ask deep questions. Therefore, I need to think of the questions I will ask students ahead of time.
4. Don’t be afraid to use tools.
What do we mean by tools? We’re talking about “canned” questions that you can use on each one of your kids to get them talking. For instance, at the dinner table, you could throw out a question like “If you could go anywhere with our family for a week, where would you go?” Then listen as each of your children respond. Another “canned” question might be “If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?” These questions get your children talking and go beyond the daily routine.
5. Use your eyes and ears before your mouth.
Use your eyes to see what your kids do. After supper, do they like to shoot hoops, or do they play video games? Do they like to read, or do they listen to music? If they read, what books do they read? If they listen to music what are they listening to? Use your ears to actually listen when they do talk. A teenager actually communicating about their life to their parents is a momentous occasion. Relish what your children are giving you and hang on their every word. If your children know you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying, you’re giving more reason to communicate!
